The fantasy is that I’m his whore, always wet, always ready, always hungry for cock. In reality, I’m just a girl with good days and bad. Bridging this gap isn’t always easy: it’s hard to say no, and hard to hear no. And not saying no when it should have been no sucks even more.
To help us with this, Edge suggested a system of nonverbal communication. I now have four collars in different colours to indicate my mood.
- Black - up for anything.
- Red - yes to sex, maybe a bit of rough but not too much degradation/humiliation.
- Pink - up for playful games and grabs, but not feeling super hot.
- White - yes to hugs and cuddles!
Of course, because they are all collars, they also communicate that I am his.
It seems to work OK. Any of you use something like this?
this acknowledges that saying no is allowed, but that people can often by shy about saying it, and sets up systems for adding communication. with the express acknowledgement that human will can still supercede the system (like, wearing a black collar but still being like ‘no wait actually… not so rough right now’ and that will be respected) then this is an awesome system!!!! anything that acknowledges that sometimes it’s hard to say no, but also that being capable of saying no is really really important, and seeks ways to make that communication easier, is a good system in my books.
amazing. thank you for sharing this!!!
“It’s important to clarify that sex education that teaches about pleasure doesn’t have to teach about technique (though elective college-level sex education that does this is great). Letting teens know that women usually achieve orgasm through the rubbing of the clitoris, whether fingers, mouth, object, or penis, isn’t the same as screening an instructional video on giving good cunnilingus. It’s not the same as writing down the names of sex-toy shops on the blackboard, or handing out diagrams of cool and exciting coital positions. And teaching that lubricants reduce pain and increase safety and pleasure during many kinds of sex should be thought of not as performance advice, but on par with vital lessons about condom use.
Real sex education is not the same as porn education. Instead, it’s about teaching that pleasure is an important part of any sexual relationship. It’s about teaching that there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel sexual pleasure and seeking it out, so long as it is done safely and responsibly. It’s about teaching comfort with one’s body and a lack of shame over desires, and there is more to sex for all people than sticking penises into vaginas. Real sex education teaches how to go about making intelligent , safe choices, rather than just stating the choices available. I believe there is a big difference. And I believe that teaching teens to make smart choices about sex must involve teaching them that having sex, partnered or alone, can be a smart choice”.
S&M is currently in the DSM (heh, you see what I did there?). My understanding, however, is that S&M occupies a strange space within the much-edited manual. S&M is no longer listed as all-disorder-all-the-time, though it once was. But if a person has an urge towards S&M, and that person feels unhappy about it, then it is classified as a disorder. In other words, an S&Mer is labeled “healthy” if she’s happy about S&M, and “unhealthy” if she’s unhappy about it.
Actually, this is basically the spot that homosexuality occupied for a while. And the reason homosexuality was taken out is the same reason S&M should be taken out: because a person who wants a completely consensual type of sexuality, and who is unhappy about it, is probably better off working to change the unhappiness rather than the sexuality. Like homosexuality, S&M is stigmatized and misunderstood. A person who is stigmatized and misunderstood is likely to be unhappy, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with her.
seeing videos/art depicting the Closeted Trans Boy using ace bandages to bind makes me so angry. have the character wear two sports bras on top of each other or two tank tops or just baggy clothes?? stop promoting the idea that it’s ok to bind with bandages if you don’t have a binder. a lot of people don’t know how harmful it is.
this got a lot of notes so i figured it would be a good idea to add some links describing what safe binding is and resources for alternative binding methods
- binding safety tips for all methods of binding
- binding safety and different binding methods from hudson’s guide
- more information on binding w/ ace bandages
- MORF binder exchange—globally distributes free binders to trans people, all you have to pay is shipping
- "inabind" binder donation program
- a list of more binder donation programs
- chest binder review blog
- reviews of binders from several popular companies
- homemade binder tutorial
- another homemade binder tutorial
- and one more
three hundred people have already reblogged this post and it would mean the world to me if you all reblogged it again with this new information. a lot of trans people dont have access to binders or know the dangers about binding, especially young trans people and those who have just started to identify as trans—this knowledge could help them immensely and save them (and their bodies) from unnecessary harm